Rest Without Permission

When did rest become something we have to earn?

Many of the women I meet are exhausted – not because they’re doing anything wrong, but because they’ve been trained for generations to measure themselves by how much they can carry. Many of us come from long lines of hard-working women who believed that good mothers, good daughters, good people push through. They kept going, even when their bodies and hearts were begging them to slow down.

And without realising it, we inherit that rhythm.
We repeat it.
We even pass it on.

We model a way of living where rest is a luxury, or a reward, or something we’ll finally get to once everything else is done.
But everything else is never done.

We live in a culture addicted to doing – to productivity, to achievement, to proving our worth through what we can squeeze out of a day. And then we look at our daughters and say, “Take care of yourself. Don’t overdo it. Don’t burn out.”

It’s confronting to admit this, but important:
Girls learn by watching what we do, not what we say.

And right now, many of us are modelling survival, not wellbeing.

Rest as a Radical Act

In our Women’s Hour conversation this month, Helena said,
“Nothing is worth doing.”

She didn’t mean that life is pointless.
She meant that doing nothing is a worthwhile activity.

Your value – as a parent, as a woman – is not something you earn through productivity.
And rest does not need to be justified.

Rest is not what you do once you’ve “been good enough.”
Rest is not a reward for “doing enough.”
Rest is the fuel for all that you do. It resources you to do your best work, your best parenting, to be your best self.

Rest helps you have the clarity, patience, humour, and steadiness your child needs, your colleagues appreciate, your partner enjoys, and you flourish with.

This isn’t indulgence.
It’s maintenance.

A Little Goes a Long Way

Many mothers tell me, “I need three weeks away on a beach to feel human again.”
And sometimes you do.

But most of the time, what you need is smaller, more regular, and surprisingly powerful.

Heidi, one of the women who joined our Women’s Hour called them Rest Snacks – little sips of restoration you take throughout a day:

Sitting in your car for an extra quiet minute before going inside
Drinking one warm cup of tea all the way to the bottom
Walking from the front door to the garden and back, slowly
Letting your eyes soften as you look out the window
Listening to one song that lights something inside you
Kneeling by a plant and smelling the soil

These tiny acts really do go a long way.
When in doubt, breathe out

Rest isn’t doing nothing

Rest doesn’t always look still.
Sometimes rest is joy.
Sometimes it is play.
Sometimes it is the thing you love that reminds you that you’re alive.

Painting
Laughing
Stirring soup slowly
Buying a bunch of flowers just because
Walking with no destination
Sitting quietly with a book you may or may not read

These small joys feed the hunger inside us – a hunger for delight, for aliveness, for “me-ness.”

This, too, is rest.

The Tyranny of Modern Self-Care

For some women, somewhere along the way, rest became a job.

Your self-care routine should include this and this and this…
Meditate for 10 minutes.
Journal.
Do yoga.
Drink more water.
Track your cycle.
Breathe deeply.
Be mindful.
Be calm.
Be grateful.

It becomes another pressure, adds to the ‘To Do’ list, another thing to fail at.

But meditation is not about becoming a perfect meditator – it’s a practice for a more meditative way of living. A more peaceful way. A slower, steadier way. So that even when life pulls you around, something inside you stays anchored.

True self-care feels like relief, not obligation.

What We Pass On

Perhaps the most confronting part of all this is realising what our children see:

A mother who does not rest is teaching her child that rest must be earned.
A mother who pushes through everything is teaching her child that pushing is valuable.
A mother who collapses at the end of the day is teaching her child that collapse is the only kind of rest adults get.

But it doesn’t have to be this way.

We can model breaks.
We can model boundaries.
We can model nourishment.
We can model “enough.”

And we can give our daughters the freedom we were never given:
rest without permission.

A gentle invitation

Today, take one Rest Snack.
Just one.

Not after you’ve done the washing.
Not after everyone else’s needs are met.
Not after you’ve earned gold stars for achievement.

Take it because you’re allowed to.
Because you’re not a machine.
Because you belong to yourself too.
Because you are worthy of rest simply by being alive.

And because a well-rested woman becomes a resourced one – and that steadiness ripples outward into every corner of her life.

Rest without permission, as a rebellion against the culture that told you not to.
Rest as nourishment.
Rest as reclamation.
Rest as a gift to you – and through you, a gift to your daughter.

Women’s Hour, a free drop-in circle for women who want to care for themselves and the generations to come – all ages, non-parents and parents alike, of girls and boys. Each session is hosted by experts Kim McCabe and Helena Løvendal, covering themes that matter – the invisible load, screens and sanity, marking milestones, raising teenage girls, supporting neurodiverse children, men and boys, navigating menopause, and more.

The next Women’s Hour is on the last Monday of the month 8 – 9pm.

Come once, come every month – take an hour just for you. When women nourish themselves, it ripples outward – feeding our children, our teams, and our communities.

And if you’re interested to hear Kim and Helena chatting briefly after this month’s discussion on Rest Without Permission, you can listen in here.

GUIDING GIRLS SAFELY THROUGH ADOLESCENCE