How to Support Your Anxious Child (When You’re Not Sure What Else to Try)
When your child is anxious, it can feel like the whole house vibrates with it. One small fear becomes big, simple things become hard, and ordinary days suddenly take extraordinary energy. It is exhausting for them and exhausting for you.
Before anything else, I want you to know this:
You are not failing. And neither are they.
You are the expert here, even if it doesn’t feel like it at times. You love your child. You know them better than anyone.
Every family hits rough patches. Anxiety is not a sign of poor parenting. It simply means your child’s system is overwhelmed and needs support in a new way. And if what you’ve tried so far isn’t working, that doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong. It just means it is time to try something different.
Read the ideas below as possibilities, not perfection. Try one. Leave one. Come back to them when you need them. You really can trust yourself.
1. Don’t go straight into fixing mode.
You want to help, of course you do. But anxious children don’t need answers first. They need to feel understood.
Try: “This sounds really hard. I’m here.”
Connection first. Solutions later.
2. Your calm helps more than your clever words.
You cannot talk a child out of anxiety.
But you can lend them your calm.
Before anything else: pause, breathe, slow down.
3. Don’t shrink what feels huge to them.
“It’s not a big deal” never helps. Even if it seems small to you, it isn’t small to them.
Try: “It feels big for you. Tell me what it’s like.”
4. Your child’s anxiety doesn’t mean you’ve failed.
So many parents secretly believe this. Please let go of that thought. Anxiety is not a sign of bad parenting. It’s a sign a child needs safety, rest and understanding. That’s all.
5. Let go of ‘keep calm and carry on’.
Many of us were raised to push our feelings down and just get on with it. An anxious child cannot do that. They need us to show them that emotions are allowed and manageable.
6. Anxiety is not drama.
The tears, the shutdowns, the refusals, the perfectionism, the big reactions. These aren’t attitude problems. They are a scared nervous system saying, “I can’t cope.”
Respond to the fear underneath.
7. Don’t praise exhaustion.
Children who are anxious often overwork to feel in control.
Praise rest. Praise effort. Praise small wins.
Don’t praise burnout.
8. Reduce pressure wherever you can.
Even one thing taken off their plate can make a difference.
Ask: “What could we take away this week to help you breathe?”
9. Work with the school instead of battling alone.
Speak up early. Ask for lighter loads, safe spaces, movement breaks, compassionate teachers. These are rights, not favours.
10. Let your child stop pretending to be “the easy one.”
So many anxious children try to be perfect to avoid disappointing anyone. Make home a place where they can be messy, moody, complicated and real.
11. Think small when it comes to self-care.
Big resets rarely help an anxious child.
Tiny moments do.
A silly video. A hot shower. A cuddle with the family pet. A ten-minute rest. A warm drink. A favourite song.
These small breaks calm the brain. Theirs and yours.
12. Don’t do this alone.
Talk to the school, counsellors, trusted friends, your GP, parents who share your experience.
Anxiety isolates families. You are not meant to cope without support. Reaching out for help is not a sign of weakness.
13. Say this often: “There is nothing wrong with you.”
Anxious children frequently believe they are broken or annoying.
Keep telling them:
“You aren’t a problem. You’re not too much. We’ll figure this out together.”
Repeat it until it sinks in.
Parenting an anxious child is one of the toughest things to do. It stretches your patience, your creativity, your confidence and your heart. But you are not alone, and you are not powerless.
Pick one idea to try this week. Just one.
See what happens. Adapt as you go. Trust your instincts.
If you’d like more guidance, my book From Daughter to Woman, parenting girls safely through their teens, goes deeper into how you can support children through stress and overwhelm.
And if you’d like a step-by-step programme, take a look at my online Parenting Thought Difficult Times course.
And to get you started, here’s my free guide to The Secret to Calming Your Child’s Anxiety (when you’ve tried everything) in just ten minutes.
You know your child. You love your child.
And you are exactly who they need beside them right now.
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