Raising girls

Creating Space for People: In Conversation with Golda Rosheuvel

Being relatively new to Rites for Girls I have been intrigued to find out more about our Ambassador, Golda Rosheuvel and what brought her to support our work. I was lucky enough to have a conversation with her last week and came away feeling so inspired by her passion and commitment to the well-being of girls and our training programme for women.

Golda is a beloved UK television and film actor and known for her powerful roles. I was keen to find out how she had heard about our work at Rites for Girls. Had she been looking for a cause to support alongside her acting work? To my surprise, it was through an informal chat that Golda came to hear about us. Sitting next to the Chair of Rites for Girl’s Non-Exec Board, Karen, at Wimbledon just 18 months ago they got talking and Karen mentioned our work which made Golda want to know more.

“It just sparked a real interest, a real memory of being adolescent, of being young and of needing something like that and I thought I want to be involved with that, I want to support that.”

Golda told me it was the impact of Karen’s words that really stayed with her that day (although she reassured me that they both enjoyed the tennis as well).

“I think it was that connection to my younger self, my younger self literally leant forward and went Gold, you need to hear more about this. That’s the thing that really resonates for me with Rites for Girls, is that I needed something like that when I was that age, and it would have so helped me to have that support.”

Golda went on to talk about the landmark programme we run, Girls Journeying Together and how wonderful it is for the girls participating to, “have those hands to hold, having that kindred spirit and that understanding that: life is difficult at the moment and I’m not quite sure why.”

Golda really understands that growing up can be challenging and that as a preteen herself she could have benefited from this sort of support.

Golda had the opportunity to meet a group of our girls who were brought together from different groups, some at the beginning of the year-long journey whilst others having completed the programme.

“I met the girls shortly after we discussed it at Wimbledon and what I really got from them was sisterhood, which I’m really strong on. I have amazing female friends, and I like to have that connection and that power and that understanding, that energy.”

“In the older girls you saw that confidence and that power that they have for themselves and for each other. It was a real gentle, serene confidence.

They are already a group, it doesn’t matter that they are from different circles, they all had this core understanding and belief in themselves and each other.”

“That we understand each other, there’s a kinship there. What struck me when I met the girls is that they’re going to have that for the rest of their lives. That’s incredible. Wherever they are in the world. There will be that connection for them.”

“If we can have more of that and support Rites for Girls to create more of this connection then the world will be a better place as far as I’m concerned.”

“I think the safety of Rites for Girls, to be able to express the struggles of adolescence, that change that happens. To be able to express that with other girls is fantastic, it’s so needed in the world. We need more of it. The more we can really share and communicate their story to other people. To have a wider understanding of the world and their part in it.”

It was incredible to see what an impact meeting the girls has had on Golda and how important she sees the roles of the facilitators in this. She likened it to two teachers she had when she was growing up and how they influenced her.

“They were really instrumental in me having a place at school, me knowing that I had this place I could go to, I was really good at.”

She talked about how the guidance of role models for girls can support an individual by just being themselves, “These two women really were – they did sports and drama, they were there prominently in my life. I was always fascinated by their strong personalities and the way they empowered those around them.”

Golda also talked about the influence they still have on her as an adult and as a successful actor working on the set of a film. She told me, “The environment has to be really positive and really safe where every single person comes with their best foot forward and we support them and celebrate and everybody has a chance to do their best best work and I ran that 10 weeks (of filming) exactly like that and I think that’s what I got from those women.”

It’s inspirational speaking with her and it’s wonderful to hear that she has found her own power and a drive to support others through these early mentors,

“I believe that now I have a calling to create space for people to do their best work, for people to shine. That’s what I want to do in my work.”

What about other women though, those who want to support girls but feel unsure, how can we help them shine? Golda didn’t even have to pause to answer this,

“There’s nothing, what you come is with yourself, you come with yourself and that is the truest form.”

“That’s what you are teaching the girls to find their truest form to understand their true selves and empower them. You encourage the facilitators to come with their true selves, not putting on something else. I think it’s really honest and really beautiful that everyone is different, and they bring different things. From their community, from their past, from their religion, from their race, from their sex. Everything is there to be gifted – so it’s not difficult when you have that mindset it’s really natural. You are bringing yourself.”

“I came out of that session with the girls, and I was so full of energy and empowerment and questions and inquisitiveness. I felt really energised and I smiled for about two hours. I think it was my preteen going ‘mate yes’ and adult me going ‘yes, we did that’. The whole thing is respectful, and you come out respecting yourself – your 12-year-old and your 54 year old.”

It was amazing to hear how Golda understood the ethos of Rites for Girls straight away. The power of our girls’ groups and the instrumental role of our trained women who just bring themselves, as they are to the training and in that way can learn to support, empower and connect girls to grow up in a safe space. I am so looking forward to hearing more from Golda and seeing her develop this Ambassadorial role over the course of 2025 – watch this space and shine.

Details about training to be a facilitator can be found on this website at:

https://www.ritesforgirls.com/facilitator-training/

and if you are looking for a girls’ group for your daughter visit:

https://www.ritesforgirls.com/girls-journeying-together/

All images by Jeff Moore

Teenagers are great!

We often hear comments about how infants bring a sense of wonder back into our lives. With teenagers, however, the focus tends to be on how they irritate us and less on how their behaviour can remind us of what is truly important in life.

What is your teen doing that you haven’t done in a long, long time – and maybe wish you were?

– taking myself and my feelings really, really seriously.

– fighting for my right to live how I want.

– caring a great deal about my friends.

– questioning authority.

– seeking excitement.

– experimenting with how I look.

– wondering who I am.

– taking risks.

– sleeping until I no longer feel tired.

– eating what I really fancy.

– courting new friendships.

– testing limits.

– acting on impulse.

– learning by doing.

– going for what I want.

– winging it.

– giggling.

– trying new things.

– railing at life’s injustices.

– believing that a better world is within our grasp.

Thinking of the young people in your life, what can you add to this list of important things that teenagers do?

We asked on social media what people enjoyed about their preteen and teen years and the comments echoed the above list. Here are just a few -please do add yours.

“When people ask if you could go back to being a teen, what would you do differently – having a teen is your chance to do just that, guide them past the mistakes you made, and support them with their own.” Larissa, Norfolk

“I LOVE this age!

So much positivity and hope at this age. Raw emotions that show vulnerability that as adults we try and suppress. Nervous excitement about new things and the look for encouragement from us as parents or teachers.” Lizzie, Suffolk

“I absolutely love her confidence, the ability to see her own beauty and worth and celebrate her attributes without holding back.” Lynsey, Merseyside

The teenage years have their unique challenges, for the teens and their parents. As adults in a teen’s life, we can understand and support them better when we remember what it was like to be a teenager ourselves.

Our teens are great teachers. They remind us of some of the most important things in life. And they feel good when we tell them how much we learn from them. Often those things that irritate us most, could inspire us too.

We’d love to hear what your teen does that you’d like to do too.

Girls Journeying Together ritesforgirls teen feelings teen girl teenagers

Inside Out 2: What’s the upside to this inside?

What a great film – if you’re over eighteen! There’s so much to relate to – the rage that’s triggered by nothing much, the tears that rise up from no-where, and the anxiety. Oh, the anxiety of being a teenager. But I was watching from the point of view of the preteens, who will make up much of the audience, and it was frankly terrifying. Is this going to happen to me? What’s the upside to this inside?

Where in the film were the new emotions that also visit us during adolescence: exuberance, invincibility, and curiosity? Puberty brings emotional gifts as well as challenges. Remember those times when life seemed limitless and amazing, and you just felt so full of your hopes and dreams you could burst. At the same time, with greater self-awareness comes increased self-consciousness, and with that embarrassment, envy, and anxiety. And the teen brain is under reconstruction, so all feelings are felt more intensely. Of course, those feelings don’t last, no feeling does. Feelings are like the weather, they come and then they pass, especially if we don’t suppress them. However, teens don’t necessarily have the tools to deal with this intensity, and they act out, or seem not to be themselves – for a bit. All normal. And mostly manageable when you’re in it. But I don’t want children to dread the teen years (or their parents) and this film reinforces the message that teenage years are hell, and crippling anxiety runs the show.

So, it concerns me that this is the biggest grossing animation, released at the start of the summer holidays viewed by millions of pre- pubescent kids and their parents.

I talked to my 20-something daughter-in-law who loved it. She thought it was a wonderful representation of what it’s like to go through your teens. The friendship dilemmas, the random fury, and that pervasive anxiety. It was entertaining for her to see it characterised by the battle of emotions in this way. Affirming of her experience of the teen years.

By contrast my ten-year-old niece, who also loved it, found it confusing. Her Dad helped her to make sense of it by explaining that the girl lost her sense of self when puberty hit but found a new one. She liked the new characters in the girl’s head, but she didn’t seem to ‘get it’. Yet. She will…

At Rites for Girls we run girls groups for preteen girls, and when talking about growing up I notice many are still age-appropriately naïve. “I’ll never drink, take drugs, have sex before marriage, get piercings or tattoos, dress like that!” They might, later on, but they’re not there yet. And hopefully each girl will feel equipped to make her own choices about these things. And there’s no hurry.

So, after seeing this film how can we chat with our preteens to help them look forward to what lies ahead? And prepare them too.

Here are seven pointers:

Feelings are never wrong. They tell you something important about what you need. It gets complicated if you ignore them.
There are no prizes for coping on your own. Lean on your friends, your family, and other key adults around you. Often, they feel good to be trusted by you. Different people help in different ways, so have a variety, and look out for adults who aren’t your parents for those times when parents feel too close to talk to. Everyone needs an ‘auntie’ or two.
Response-ability is your ability to respond to situations. Your feelings are a guide, but then you use your brain and the advice of others to figure out the best way to respond.
Everyone makes mistakes. It’s how we learn. Just be aware of making the same mistakes, because then you’re not learning. And figure out how to repair things when you’ve messed up.
The coolest people are those who are most able to be true to themselves. They may not be in the ‘cool crowd’ but just you wait, those ‘cool’ kids may not seem so awesome in a few years’ time. Hold onto who you are, the friendships that really feel good, and the things you love to do.
Being a teenager is crazy, amazing, special. You get to explore what makes you ‘you’, enjoy way more freedoms, and experiment. It can be tough at times too, and that’s normal; so, know that you’re not alone. I want you to feel that I’m here for you, your biggest fan, and committed member of your support team.
There’s no hurry. There’s no need to prove to anyone that you’re growing up. Enjoy the journey as well as the destination. Grow up at your own pace – it really isn’t a race.

Kim McCabe, Founder and Director, Rites for Girls

Mother-Daughter Dates this summer

The idea of a Mother-Daughter Date is for you to spend time alone together, once a month for a few hours with your daughter. You might view the school holidays as a greater opportunity to spend more time together or an extra complexity as you try to juggle work, childcare and possibly the needs of more than one child.