You love aspects of watching her grow up but you worry that it is happening too fast.
You feel your daughter takes too much notice of her friends’ opinions.
You found adolescence painful and you want your daughter’s to be easier.
Something’s troubling her but she won’t tell you what.
You want to make her feel special when she starts menstruating – but you don’t want to embarrass her.
You feel like you’re losing her.
Every morning you promise yourself that you won’t lock horns with your daughter but still you do.
Monthly Moment Together
– once a month, every month, take some time out together, you and your daughter.
Take her to your favourite cafe, a good film, a country walk, your childhood home. Go swimming together, get your nails done, redesign her bedroom together, sky-dive. Tell her about what you admire in her, about your dreams as a teenager, about your mother, about your aspirations for yourself now. Above all listen to her. Listen (and if only for these few hours) without judging or guiding her.
Make a monthly date in the family diary – and let her know that she can rely on you to spend special time with her every month, whatever else is going on.
Make it a habit – an unquestioned habit that is never denied as a consequence of bad behaviour.
Do it whatever the emotional climate, however things are between you.
Do it when the last thing you feel like doing is spending time together.
Do it when you feel she doesn’t deserve it.
Do it even when you’ve had lots of other time together that month.
Do it even when life feels so busy that to find time seems impossible.
When the time comes, endeavour to time your ‘monthly moment together’ with the week that she is menstruating. We all know that feelings can be heightened around this time of the month, and especially if you have already established this monthly habit of spending time together, it can become an opportunity for emotional release and support. Arranging for your special meeting at this time of the month can also become a powerful acknowledgement between you of her status – that of being able to bear a child.
If you only take one thing away from this website – let it be this:
make a commitment to spending special time every month with your daughter.
It is deceptively simple, but extremely powerful.
Everything that is precious about your relationship will show itself here. Everything that is hard about your relationship will also surface here. No matter what, keep the ‘monthly moment together’ commitment going.