Informing your daughter ~ an on-going conversation

Who teaches your daughter about bra sizes?  Or what to expect as puberty approaches?  Or how to manage the heart ache of first relationships?

You could leave it to the occasional lessons in school, but who can ask questions in that kind of setting?  Or it could be her peers, but do they really know?  Or it could be from the media, but can you trust this to be a good representation?  Or it could be you.

Girls need women that they feel able to talk to through their adolescence. At a time when our girls may give off the impression that they need us less, they just need us differently.  Puberty is a time of rapid change, and welcome or not, it is going to be somewhat un-nerving.  Every girl needs older women who they feel comfortable talking to – not always their own mother, although it can be.

Conversations about C cups, or growing pubic hair, or boyfriends do not emerge from thin air.  A climate of trust and easy communication must exist between a girl and a woman before the sensitive topics can be broached.  This evolves over time, and requires a conscious effort on the woman’s part to pay attention to the girl’s life and have a wish to tip-toe into her world.

It takes a village to raise a child – who are the girls in your village?

Does your daughter have a circle of women to guide her?

It takes many conversations, open and friendly, to become a girl’s mentor.  So essential to the healthy development of our teens is to teach them womanly things; and this happens over time, not just in one discussion.

Do not rely on sex ed in school, or playground chatter, or music videos, or social media to teach your daughter.  Ink into your diary monthly girls together time and choose activities to share that will give you and your daughter opportunities to talk intimately.

If you’re not sure how, look here.


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Posted on 5 November 2012
Musings: Coming of age, Parenting girls, Parenting teenagers
Tags: , , , , , , ,

3 or so comments

3 Responses to Informing your daughter ~ an on-going conversation

  1. This post made me look forward to building on my relationship with my little girl as the years go by. Thank you.

  2. mumtoteens says:

    Once a week when I was about 10 my mum started taking me swimming and afterwards we’d go for chips and a drink in a cafe.
    This was our time, a time to talk about the ‘changes’ that were either starting or going to start soon for me.
    The reason my mum did this (it was unusual in the 70s) was when she was a teenager she went to guide camp and a girl started her period. The poor girl thought she was dying because no-one had told her about her periods. Sadly so many of the guides also thought she was dying because of the secrecy around becoming a woman.
    My mum decided there and then she’d talk to her daughter.
    I’m now very, very open and honest with teengirl and also teenboy. There’s nothing off limits.

    • Kim says:

      The Samaritans was set up because a girl killed herself when she started bleeding and didn’t know what it was. Your weekly swim and chat with your Mum sounds special. I think people sometimes think that they have to go somewhere different every time, or do something really unusual, but actually it is our undivided attention that makes it special.

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